Wow, I suck ass and other trivial things...plus one major thing

Today is I am going to swear a lot sort of day..if you are easily offended you should stop reading here, consider yourself warned. You are welcome!

So as I sit here pondering my fucked up existence, I know that there is so much I need to be grateful for. (And I am I truly am) But today seems to be a day that is going to be rough on me. Like one of those days that if I was a drug addict I would totally shoot too many drugs. I had a whole list of witty stuff to talk about, I actually thought to myself, this is totally (I'm currently channeling my inner valley girl, rad dude) it...I am going to totally captivate my readers (so far party of one reader...ME). Some how I got side tracked, OK my A.D.D. got the better of me. I am not even entirely sure that I have A.D.D. - has anyone seen my pet squirrel, or the dog or my gun? Wait I don't have a gun. Fuck me sideways I don't own a gun...actually that's probably a good thing cause I would either use it on some idiot that pissed me off or someone would end up using it on me for opening my big foul mouth potty talk mouth. (is that even a sentence? Guess it does not matter party of one still)

As I am writing this I have a ton of other stuff going through my mind - no not where I can buy drugs (remember I am not a drug addict). But drugs could make all these feelings of inadequacy go away or a gun, guns can make people go away, then I would no longer feel inadequate. This is why I should not be left to my own devices, I am seriously a nut job. If this is the first time reading my posts, my previous posts are sweet and sort of guarded (wait are they? Or is that just something else I tell myself..man I really suck ass).

There are things I should be doing right this moment, but since I suck ass.I am sitting here feeling sorry for myself. Oh well at least dinner is in the crockpot (I kick ass I made dinner, love leave it and it forget it shit) There does not seem to be a topic today, I am really trying to distract myself from the sadness that is creeping in. All kidding aside, my grandfather (he is the cutest thing alive is not doing well.) He is in his 90's and is just tired. He is not suffering from illness but he is not his usual perky self and for that I am sad. He has been falling a lot and is now using a walker, he is also in stage 4 kidney disease. The past couple years both of my grandparents have really slowed down. My grandfather used to golf like crazy, walk everywhere, visited McDonald's everyday and very rarely did you ever catch him without a smile. I have come to realize I could learn a lot from him, I have not spent nearly enough time with him. I have not spent enough of my lousy 42 years telling him I love him. Still as I say this I sit in my pajamas, on my couch - I am too afraid to go there. Too afraid that this will be the end. OK - enough of this...he would not want this. I am posting this picture of my grandparents, while they are not internet savvy - they have no way of seeing this. But it makes me feel better to see it. (FYI I am not a total loser -  I am not able to go visit today, my son and husband have both been sick with terrible colds it is not wise for me to go there in the event I am getting the germs that are running rampant in my house I do not want to make them sick on top of everything else)

Something has to give!!

So my internet is finally up and running again! What a nightmare...but at least it is up and I am able to continue my quest for gainful employment.

I am not even sure where I left off, note to self reread previous posts before ranting on the net. What have a ranted about or not ranted about...*SMH*


What a crazy past few weeks it has been! I am having a blast with Instagram and the apps to edit the pictures, I only have a few followers and am following a few as well. I tend to take a lot of pictures of my dogs. I am sure my followers just love that. And have been posting pictures of food, a picture a day challenge, my crazy faces (wait I may not have posted those), pictures of kidlet #4 (btw allow me to brag for a moment - he made honor roll!! YIPPEE!!)

 

Boy do I need a life - or a job a job would be fantastic!


I, in the past have never been much for cooking or baking but lately I have been really enjoying it, And have been baking up a storm. Even made dog treats!! I also scored a bread-maker and have made thus far one loaf of bread. And some dinner rolls. The loaf of bread was a little on the dense side, but the dinner rolls were amazing we had them with some homemade chicken vegetable soup.

Kidlet #4 has a terrible cold right now. 

He normally never gets sick and when he does he is usually pretty stoic about it, then last night I was introduced to his other personality that apparently has been dormant for all of his 11 years! We will call him demon child he showed up at 1:00 A.M. complete with kicking and flailing tantrum because he could not fall asleep. I gave said Demon child a Niquel capsule, it did the trick Demon child was knocked out in 12 minutes I on the other hand was awake until 5 A.M., at which time I started my day!

So I am feeling so discouraged, I had an interview this Tuesday and I felt it had gone really well, but just found out that today I was not selected was told that they had decided to hire from within the company, but that I had been referred to another position and to expect a call shortly to set up another in person interview. This is a good thing, but I am so discouraged...I just want a job!

To make matters worse my husband that has been out of work due to a work comp issue for 2 years just received notification that they are cutting off his benefits. GREAT - now what?? 

Moving forward..the now what brings me to my car was sick and also had to be in the shop. Bills are piling up...I am feeling stretched very thin! Something has to give...RIGHT?

Well, I am going to go bake something - love they way it smells up the house...and it will keep my head out of my head for a few minutes (at least).

Ta Ta for now!

Oh wait - let me leave a recipe I have tried and love! Some people don't like these things in a cup but I think they are great, I can't over eat then! It is just one item...So far I have made a cookie in a cup, a brownie in a cup, an oatmealy breakfast thing (complete with blueberries) in a cup, I have a recipe for coffee cake in a cup that I am willing to try. But for now here is the  original link for some chocolatey yumminess.Brownie in a Cup recipe = super easy - super yummy!! 

Ingredients:
1/4 c flour
1/4 c brown sugar
2 Tbsp applesauce (or oil) **I used oil**
2 Tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder
Pinch o' salt
2 Tbsp milk or coffee or water **I made one with milk and one with coffee, I enjoyed both**

 **I also threw in chocolate chips too maybe about a TBSP full**

Directions:
Stir ingredients together in a mug, microwave for 1 minute or until top is springy but still gooey...top with scoop of ice cream for extra awesomeness.

I apologize I only have a picture after it was half eaten! And it had ice cream on it too!!

Enjoy!!

Ok now I am officially shutting up and going to go find something to do or bake!!

Peace!

New Year 2013

Well it seems the New Year is upon us! I'm going to work on being grateful and positive and pleasant..but inside I'm crying.  I'm going to be off the grid for a bit I am still unemployed and no longer have internet, my washing machine broke today (again), my car was just in the shop and we still have ants! And am slightly stressed due to the impending termination of the end of my UI benefits (the senate was supposed to have reaches an agreement by midnight 12/31/2012 I have yet to hear if one was infact reached)

HAPPY NEW YEAR....be back soon